Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its not stalking. its research.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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