Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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