Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
