So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
