babies were throwing up all over the place
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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