Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Randomize
