Swine flu. Run for my life!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
