I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
