DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
