i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
