We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dick very happy bro
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
