we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize