I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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