I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
