i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
