my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
