i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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