if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
