Soap is not a condiment
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
