sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
