Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
