girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
