My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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