I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
