1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize