She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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