I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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