I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
