do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
