Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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