You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
