..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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