this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
