I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
