You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
