I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
