is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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