i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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