did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
