The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
