I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
