hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
