You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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