My sheets look like a crime scene.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
