I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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