he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
