youre lurking in front of me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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