First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize