Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Rumble strips road head = magical
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
