You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
