his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
