all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
