Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
