yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
