I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
