Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
