I wanna bring you to show and tell
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize