Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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