If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
