I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
