i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
