it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
