oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
