go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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