i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
