In the future we'll all be gay
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
