Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize