I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
