I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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