I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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