I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
