u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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