I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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