So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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