but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Your penis caused this!
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