omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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