i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
