My room smells like vodka and shame
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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