and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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